On My Second Day

I took the bus for the first time.

Went to my college colloquim that was quite interesting

Went to the Spartan Book Store and picked up the rest of my books

Walked on Grand river to visit Ned’s Bookstore

Took my first college Nap lol.

We Came, We Saw, We Cried

I moved into my dorm at school yesterday and my mom and ray stayed until like 6:50. I cried. I cried bad. Ray started crying, my cousin did a little. My mom though, she didn’t. Not that I saw anyway. I’m so grateful for the support system I have. CiCi came over last week and gave me a new robe and flip flops for school with olive garden gift cards. It made me cry. Although I don’t call her grandma, and I probably never will, that’s what she is.

Day 1 was yesterday and I had an anxiety attack when I woke up. After I started walking around and such it got better. Day 2 isn’t bad either. I’m about to go eat though.

 

<3 Jen.L.

Day 7

Day Seven: Four turn offs:

4: Guys who think they know everything. You Don’t. Period.

3: Large ass egos. It makes them care more about themselves and what others think and nothing else.

2: Acting like a thug, trying to fit in with the cool crowd. NO. Be you.

1: LYING!!! CHEATING/TALKING TO MULTIPLE GIRLS IS NOT OK

Day 6

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

5: Melaysia

4: Jonathan

3: Ramaun

2: My Uncle

1: My Mom

For the record I find this post unfair because there are like 5 more people I need to add under number 5

Day 5

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

6: Eaten bread...its my kryptonite

5: Got off my sleeping schedule dramatically.

4: Not study for finals when they were worth 25% of our semester grade sophomore year.

3: Lost focus in Spanish, I really wanna be bilingual.

2: Taken Brace days for granted.

1: Started playing Facebook games...so addictive.

Day 4

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

7: Growing Up because it scares me.

6: My anxiety because it physically makes me sick.

5: My mom and my friends because life incomplete with them.

4: School because I’m full of different emotions for it.

3: Life cause well its hard.

2: Sharks because I FUCKING love them.

1: Ramaun because I love/hate him and I always will (love him that is)

Day 3

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

8: Not obsessed with what other people think.

7: Genuinely sweet and nice.

6: A true gentleman. Opens the door. All that jazz.

5: BE TRUSTWORTHY!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-very important

4: Show me that you care don’t just say it.

3: Know how to make me smile. NOT just with jokes.

2: Love me for who I am and don’t try to change me.

1: Care about me on the inside and not just the out.

Day 2

Day Two: Nine Things About Yourself

9: I want to Double Major with Writing and Marine Biology.

8: My plan is to go to Hawaii for graduate school.

7: The two things I actually love about myself are my eyes(and lashes) and my hair.

6: My hair has not been one color since 7th grade.

5: I have severe anxiety issues to the point that I get sick.

4: I want a tattoo soooo bad but I'm scared as hell about it hurting.

3: I believe in God but I question my faith almost everyday.

2: I love reading and I can read really fast.

1: I LOVE SHARKS!

Day 1

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

10: She’s having an affair with Randy Orton!!! (John Cena- insider with Kase)

9: I love you, but I hate that I love you right now. (Ray- talking to another girl, called her baby)

8: Stop playing that damn banana song. (Kase)

7: Thank you for always being my best friend. (Mae)

6:You’re a fake friend all you care about is boys. (Lauren)

5: I don’t know what I’d do without you. (Mom)

4: You’re more than an uncle to me, you’re a dad. (Uncle Roger)

3: You’re a bad sister who can’t keep promises. (Nic)

2: The best decision I made in the last year was coming to you. (Alex - therapist)

1: You’re so busy yelling at me that you can’t see what’s really going on. (dad)

Just Because I Miss You

I Sware I feel this way lol

Party Hardy

eh life...smh

why do I bother again? I don't know. Went to a bday party today which was cool, that psycho girl was there and I just wanted her to go away.

Me & the BF are having issues as always. But it really is my fault cuz i dont feel the same anymore. Idk its weird.

13 Days until I leave for MSU and I'm petrified......and excited.

Check Out My Other Blog: jenuineopinion.tumblr.com

Fake People

I hate them. Go to fucking hell.

Who Did What Where Now??

Hi, my name is: Jennifer
Never in my life have I been: Skinny, I wish I was though. Not stick skinny but skinnier.
The one person who can drive me nuts is: Randy Marsh from South Park
High school: went fast as hell and fun but I'm happy to be taking the college step.
When I'm Nervous I: think to hard and get quiet.
The last song I listened to was: I Got Your Back
If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: My best friend, Mae
My hair is: black and blue
When I was 5: I used to spend most of my time at my grandparents house.
Last Christmas: My boyfriend bought me two pairs of shoes, a necklace, a watch, and a green jewelry set.
I should be..: more outgoing and active
When I look down I see: my boobs and my feet
The happiest recent event was: going on a cruise to the bahamas
If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: ....no idea, maybe Pheobe
By this time next year: I'll be getting ready to start my sophmore year of college
My current gripe is: fake people...what is your purpose in life?
I have a hard time understanding: chemistry
There’s this girl I know that: is strong and blunt as hell and in secret I wish I could be just like her
I like you when: you on your grown folk stuff
If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: My mom
Take my advice: listen to what your heart is telling you, your brain will give you the logical answer but your heart will give you happiness
The thing I want to buy: a magic pill or something that will help me lose my stomach, in reality a horse
If you visited the place I was born: you would think its nice and suburban but u rather be somewhere else.
I plan to visit: Egypt (Cairo), South Africa (Cape Town), Italy, Spain and Austrailia

What a Week..

So this week hasn't really been the greatest. It coulda been worse but it coulda been a looooot better too. It's a lot to explain but its over now so I'm not thinking about it too much.

I wrote this long email to my dad explaining everything and how I feel as though he's never happy.

I got to see my nephew but then I guess he got mad at Ray because he messed up a lie to his mom. I don't know because I wasn't involved. I just hope he aint mad at me.

My cousin came up (from Holland to Ohio on his way home he passed through us) to visit on his way back. That was totally awesome. Then his car just died (kinda) so he stayed the night with us (which was fine).

Ray's always working.

I need to have sex cause now this whole it hurts thing is just pissing me off.

I haven't been to the "family" places I wanted to go this summer yet because fam keeps saying we'll talk about it and so on.

I leave for school in two weeks. Excited but petrified.

I'm going back on anti depressants temporarily until I get used to school and such....AHHH!@H!H

Sometimes you just need to scream.

Hanging with my bestie tomorrow..WOO i love her <3

Jen.L.<3

Yup

List of things to blog about when I'm not half sleep:
-Seeing my nephew
-My cousin coming to visit
-......

I thought there was something else but I can't remember.

You know what's cool? I have an app on my phone (droid market) that will let me blog from my phone. I'm not right now but I have.

Oh and I'm thinking of making a tumblr blog too. I think I'll name it JenuineOpinion.


Tired.

I remembered! Going back on happy pills.

Jen.L.<3

Not Today

I'm just...I'm tired. After yesterday I've been so down...I just wanna sleep. I think that's what I'ma do. Lay down and read.

Jen.L.

Today Was a Bad Day

Yea it was horrible. Worse day in a while. However, it was so bad that I don't even feel like blogging about it right now. I'ma hit some notes so I don't forget later.

Saw Rays dad, blamed me for him not seeing his son, blamed me for his sons grades, went all you don't know shit I know more than you on me, got all morally and stuff,..........I don't know if I like him anymore. I can't deal with these parents of his. I love him but I don't know if I can marry into some family like that....smmfh...bad cus day.

I also sent a long email to my dad. Hopefully he'll see it now but if not I can't do anything else about it. I don't think I want to.

Jen.L.<3

I Love to Read

So! One thing about me is I absolutely LOVE reading. I love holding the book in my hand nice and crisp, the smell of it (i'm not weird), turning the pages, but most of all, I love how it takes you to another reality and helps you forget about your own. I read a lot of different kinds of books. So I'm going to list out some that I've read:

• The Kite Runner (omg....so so sooo good and deep)
• Harry Potter 1-7
  
• Cirque du Freak 4-12 (I didn't know I had started reading it in the middle of the series, I was young don't judge)
• The Demonata Series (haven't bought the last book yet)
• House of Night Series
  
• Twilight - Eclipse (don't judge, the books are great...i DO NOT indorse the movies)
• What My Mother Doesn't Know (poem story)
  
• Speak (every girl should read)
  
• The Princetta
• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
• Tuesdays With Morrie
• The Five People You Meet in Heaven
• Animal Farm (I liked this book)
• Wild Ones Series (Manga)
  

There are loads of others but that is just some. There are books I've read that are part of series I am continuing to read which I will list soon. I guess I'll just list them now:

• Black Bird
• Vampire Knight
• Morganville Vampires
• Petshop of Horrors: Tokyo (i finished the original series)
• Bloody Kisses
• The Good Neighbors

Again, that's just some of the series. There are also books I'm planning on reading that are part of a series but I don't know if I will like them. I'm always looking for more books so if anybody reads this and has an idea leave a comment. I doubt that though.

Jen.L.<3

The Want Without the Will..

That is what I have. I have the extreme want without the will to do it.

I HATE HATE HATE how I look. But you know, I'm not super duper fat either. I guess I'm a little bigger than the average American. NOT THE TWIG AMERICANS the genuine average American. As much as I wish I was skinnier, I don't have the will to do it. I've tried going to the gym but I get embarrassed because of how I look. I try the eating less thing (which I can do) but I love trying new foods and stuff like that. I don't know how to discipline myself into doing something like that. I tried doing like at home salads but they never taste right. I procrastinate a lot. Especially over this subject. I'm hoping going to college will help with that but the problem is I don't know if it will. I really want to lose the weight but I need help to do it....I need the will and the fire to get my cus up and go to the gym or walk around the block or do something....I'm trying to walk more if that counts for anything. I just...I don't know. I look for a quick fix when in reality I just need to get up and move. I know why I don't lose weight I just don't do anything to change that. I am NOT obese so don't get that idea. I just know I need to lose some pounds.

Jen.L.<3

When I Grow Up

I've come to the conclusion that no one reads this but me. I have one follower and that's my cousin (Hey Cassie). Anyway, just something to say.

So, I move away to school in...I think less than three weeks. True, I will only be an hour away but still, an hour away isn't like being here. I feel myself getting teary thinking about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited but I'm scared as all hell too. So much to worry about and it makes me think that I'm going to start with the anxiety again. Speaking of that, I found out who my roommate is. She is a junior and she seems ultra cool. She likes Monty Python, Star Wars, and she even went to a Harry Potter movie premiere. The thing is tho, I don't mind her being a Junior but I feel like she doesn't really care about being friends or not. She went through the whole being a freshman thing and making new friends but I haven't yet and I'm excited about having a roommate like her but it seems as though she is passed that...I don't know. There's no way you can pick up a reading on someone from messaging each other on the computer. I just really want to be friends with her and all but I feel like such a lame kid for getting all giddy and cus (yea I'm doing the cus thing from Fantastic Mr. Fox...Great MOVIE!). Anyway, yea I just don't know. Because she's not a freshman, she moves in the day after me. I guess I have to wait until then to see what happens.

I never thought I would ever get to this point in my life. I'm going to COLLEGE. I truly feel like I'll be back in high school in the fall. People always ask you what do you want to do when you grow up and now the time is here to act on it. Just yesterday I sware my grandparents died. I sware I was just entering middle school. Just entering high school. Just turning 16. Now, its my last month of summer Vacation and I'll be moving into my dorm in three weeks...where did the time go?

Jen.L.<3

Mockingbird

This song Eminem wrote for his daughter and niece made me cry. I've heard it before now and it never made me cry then but hearing now it made me cry. If i believed my dad cared anything near that about me I would be happy. Hayley is the luckiest girl to have a dad that loves her so much.

Jen.L.<3

I'ma Face My Demons

I was listening to this song on you tube and I mean I've heard it on the radio but seeing the video made something hit in me. Seeing how strong he is and how much he's changed made him physically look better. The one part that I love is when he says "and i just cant keep living this way, so starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage....". That whole part just makes me wanna throw my hands up. My favorite line from the song is "all those who look down on me im tearing down your balcony." Which is big for me since i'm very down on myself. If you haven't seen this check it out...

Jen.L.<3

Summer is Gone...

LONG time no talk....type...whatever lol. I am out of high school and heading to college in the fall and it has me worried like no other. It's going to be such a big change at a humongous school in a small room with someone i've never met with harder classes.........ya nerve racking. Trying to figure out a way to manage it isn't the easiest either.

The entire situation with my dad has just gotten ridiculous. It was nothing wrong and then everything I said was a sign of "me being mad at him" but you know what? I never said he did anything wrong. I don't know what his deal is. Then he had the audacity to blame my mom for our relationship. He yelled at her saying she turned me against him and all this other stuff and I'm just like....what the f@#& is your problem??? But then of course he ignores me completely no matter what I say and then acts like nothing ever happened! SMMFH It is SO irritating. He needs to own up and be a man AND a father and see what he did wrong.

As far as love life...well thats fine i guess nothing bad nothing super good.

With high school being over, i'm starting to see that "friends" aren't really what they say they are. I'm so tired of being soooooooo nice and being taken advantage of because of it as a person and a friend. How do you even change something like that? I don't even know. I was reading this book in borders that said "You need to know that no one cares about who you were in high school. It's time to start with a clean plate. " I'm glad of that but it scares me too. I will know like 2-3 people there from school and like 3 from orientation. I'm really shy and although there is a leader in me, sometimes I don't know how to make it come out.

This blog is gonna become my best friend cause I'm not good with writing in journals everyday so maybe this will help.

I have a book to read for school too so maybe i'll blog about that on here too.

That's it for now.

Jen.L <3